With his belongings packed and waiting for him at school – having been relocated in secret over the previous weeks – Jay could finally close the door on a childhood marred by domestic and family violence.
From a young age, Jay experienced psychological and verbal abuse by his parents, who wanted to control every aspect of his life.
“They’re very traditional. Go to school, go to uni, get a job, get married to someone of a different sex. Have children. My parents expected me to be what they wanted me to be.
“My family didn’t know I was moving out until after I’d done it. All they knew was that one day I went to school and didn’t come back home.”
Overcoming abuse
For young people like Jay, finding the support to overcome abuse and family breakdown can seem impossible.
Domestic and family violence is the main driver of youth homelessness today – a staggering 97% of young people who sought help from our Inner West Youth Homelessness Service last year identified domestic violence and family breakdown as the main reasons or contributing factors to needing housing support.
“I never really felt I could trust anyone. If I couldn’t trust my family, who could I trust?” says Jay.
Dealing with then-undiagnosed depression and anxiety, his school grades were slipping and he struggled to maintain his friendships.
“My family threatened to put me into foster care, or just drop me off on the streets.
“They were very strict and I would try to run away. But my brother would catch me,” Jay says. “It was never really a real attempt, because I was so young and I had nowhere to go.”
Jay’s school friends encouraged him to seek help.
“I had friends who cared enough about me to get me to start talking to my school counsellor,” Jay explains. “He directed me to Youth Off The Streets.”
Youth Off The Streets’ EDEN College was near his home, so Jay turned up to discuss his situation with the staff.
“We discussed how if I dropped out of education, my family could either kick me out or treat me so poorly that I would need to leave for my own safety. But then, we thought, an alternative could be to transfer to EDEN.”
A new way of learning
EDEN College, one of Youth Off The Streets’ six accredited independent high schools, supports students who struggle with mainstream education. It offers the guidance of caseworkers and youth workers, psychology services, events and excursions, and life skills development.
“It seemed so much nicer,” Jay recalls. “They gave me the tour and everyone was more relaxed, without the pressure I knew at mainstream school.”
Jay made the decision to fill out his school application without his family’s knowledge.
Enrolling in his final months of Year 11, Jay began to rediscover a love of learning. His teachers helped him to match his HSC subjects with those he had studied at his former high school.
“Here, it’s okay to be who you are.”
And still, with his parents angry about his transition to EDEN College, Jay was growing even more concerned for his safety. He decided he could no longer stay at home. It would not be easy; but unlike previous attempts, Jay had the support of school staff and his caseworker to make safe and informed decisions.
A new way of living
“It was so scary. I knew that I would always be nervous. But I needed to make sure I was ready enough,” says Jay.
“I started slowly bringing my belongings into school, putting them in a box in the manager’s office. I had all my stuff here. One day, after weeks of work with my caseworker to get my debit card, my Medicare set up, so much stuff, I finally realised I felt ready to move.
“When I didn’t return, my family tried to call me, call the school. The school explained that I’d moved out and didn’t want to talk to them for a while.”
Thanks to his caseworker’s assistance, Jay could arrange his affairs independently. Any communication with his parents ran via EDEN College, so they would know he was secure.
Jay moved into a motel and then a neighbourhood refuge which, although its staff were caring, was a socially and emotionally challenging experience. He suffered from bullying and loneliness. He stayed for about a month.
Finding independence
A big win came recently when Jay was able to sign the lease on a nearby apartment, with support from his caseworker.
“That’s the only reason I’m doing well now. It’s because so many people care about me: from the caseworker, the teachers at EDEN, to my friends. Without them I wouldn’t have been able to do anything.”
Since Jay moved in, he has faced daily challenges – like learning home maintenance and proving he is a legal adult to sign electricity and internet contracts. But he still feels it is for the best.
“I feel like I’ve never got a break. But when you’re taking such a big step, you’re going to have to put so much effort and energy in.
“One week ago, I signed my lease. I haven’t explained this to my friends who still live with their parents and don’t understand the idea of moving out. The problems I face have changed. But I think these are better problems for me to have.”
Jay would like to re-establish contact with his family but acknowledges it will take time.
Jay’s lived experience has shown him much about the empowerment a support network can bring to young people at risk of homelessness. And it is a lesson he hopes other young people will take on board.
“I didn’t want to bother people,” he explains. “I didn’t ask for help when people offered it. But I later realised that I needed it when I couldn’t do things alone.
“Knowing my support workers still wanted to help me – even after I’d first said no – was the best thing. These people helped me get through all of this.
“My attitude now is, if I can help someone, I should. No one has the experience to solve all their own problems. We can share our different experiences to help make life easier for each other.”
This Youth Homelessness Matters Day, it’s more important than ever to understand the reality young people can face with domestic and family violence. Learn more at YFoundations.
Youth Off The Streets provides a range of homelessness and housing support services for young people. Find out more.