You might struggle to know what to do or say to support someone who has experienced trauma, but these steps can help.
It can be difficult seeing a friend or loved one experiencing the effects of trauma.
Trauma is a psychological response to distressing events, which can affect survivors’ ability to function in their day-to-day lives. Between one-half and two-thirds of young people will have been exposed to a traumatic incident by age 16
Trauma caused by domestic and family violence, family breakdown and substance misuse can lead young people to focus on the negative aspects of their lives. They might also distance themselves from others for fear of criticism or abandonment.
But these young people need emotional and social support more than ever.
Today is Random Acts of Kindness Day – an annual event that aims to make kindness the norm in classrooms, homes and workplaces across the world.
Here are six ways you can offer empathy, support and kindness to people in your life who have experienced trauma.
BE PATIENT
Recovering from trauma can be a lengthy, unpredictable process and different people may have different emotional responses.
Trauma can present in subtle yet profound ways, like a lack of vulnerability, curiosity or regulation or the inability to understand one’s own behavioural patterns.
While some survivors will attend therapy for years to regain a sense of safety, others may be able to process their trauma independently.
Expecting them to ‘get over it’ in a certain amount of time is unrealistic.
Instead, reassure your loved one that you’re here to help them recover – however long that might take.
DO THINGS TOGETHER
To help someone who has experienced trauma stay connected to their daily lives, try maintaining a shared routine.
You could walk your dogs together in the morning, meet them for coffee on a weekly basis, or schedule regular one-on-one Zoom calls to see how they’re doing.
These kind, intentional actions can motivate your friend or loved one to re-engage with their interests and their social support network.
Predictability can also make a trauma survivor feel physically and psychologically safe – alleviating some of the fear and anxiety that their traumatic experience may have inflicted.
OFFER PRACTICAL SUPPORT
Trauma can prevent effective self-care, as it often prevents survivors from recognising and meeting their own needs.
Tasks that used to require little effort, like grocery shopping, doing laundry or seeing a doctor, might start to feel impossible.
One way to support them is by offering to run errands or helping them complete household chores.
These kindnesses also reaffirm to the survivor that they are loved and cared for.
LEARN THEIR TRIGGERS
Sometimes, trauma can evolve into Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) – an anxiety disorder characterised by vivid flashbacks and nightmares.
If your friend or loved one is suffering from PTSD, you should learn about the sights, smells and sounds that can cause them emotional distress.
These triggers could include fireworks or loud arguments, for example.
Help your loved one avoid situations where these triggers might arise.
You could also talk to them about developing a plan for how they would like you to respond if their PTSD flares up in a public place.
ONLY GIVE ADVICE IF ASKED
It can be healing for survivors to discuss their trauma with family and friends.
But in these situations, unsolicited advice can diminish their experiences, worsen their emotional distress and deplete their trust.
Instead, listen without expressing blame or negative judgment.
Your words should be kind, with the intention of restoring the survivor’s trust and empowering them to solve their own challenges.
By offering constructive feedback and validation, you can also enhance their sense of psychological and physical safety.
HELP THEM FIND SUPPORT
While not every trauma survivor requires therapy, others may require specialist support to recover – this is especially true of people who are experiencing the symptoms of depression, anxiety and/or PTSD.
If your friend or loved one struggling with the effects of trauma is a young person aged 12–24, you can find help at the ‘Need help now?’ page of our website.
If they are an adult trauma survivor, you could refer them to a counsellor or mental health helpline. A list of reputable services, approved by the Australian Government, is available here.
Learn more about our youth support services.
If you’re searching for more information about trauma, Fatina Elabd – our Team Leader Engagement and Support – recommends Dr Bruce Perry’s book What Happened To You?.