Worried about a child or young person but not sure how to start a conversation about their mental health? These practical tips can help you check in and support them to open up.
Choose the right time and place
Starting a conversation about mental health can feel daunting, especially if a young person seems reluctant to talk. Choosing the right moment can make all the difference.
Look for a time when neither of you feels rushed and you can give them your full attention.
Side-by-side activities are often less confronting than face-to-face conversations. Many young people find it easier to open up while driving, going for a walk, cooking dinner, painting their nails or doing another activity they enjoy. If going for a drive, consider handing them control of the playlist or taking a longer route to create space for conversation to unfold.
The goal isn’t to force a discussion. It’s to create an environment where talking feels safe and comfortable.
Tell them what you’ve noticed
Rather than jumping straight into questions, try starting the conversation with gentle observations.
You might say:
“I’ve noticed you haven’t seemed yourself lately.”
“I’ve noticed you don’t spend as much time with your friends as you used to.”
“I’ve noticed school seems more stressful than usual.”
Using observations instead of assumptions helps young people feel less judged.
Be an active, curious listener
If a young person does begin to open up, your first job is not to solve the problem. It’s to listen.
Try to:
- listen without interrupting
- pause before responding
- ask open-ended questions
- validate what they’re feeling
- avoid dismissing their experiences, even if they seem minor from an adult perspective
Simple responses can go a long way:
“I can see why you’d be feeling that way.”
“That sounds really difficult.”
“Thank you for telling me.”
When talking to young people about mental health, you don’t need to have all the answers. Sometimes, simply asking and listening is enough to make a meaningful difference.
Know the warning signs of suicide
Many adults worry that asking a young person about suicide will put the idea in their head, but research shows this isn’t true. Young people are often more likely to share experiences of suicidal ideation when they are asked directly and compassionately.
It’s important to be aware of both warning signs and recent life events that may increase a young person’s risk.
Some warning signs that a young person may be struggling include:
- self-harming behaviours
- increased alcohol or drug use
- withdrawing from friends, family or activities they usually enjoy
- significant changes in mood, sleep or appetite
- talking about feeling hopeless or expressing feelings of being a burden
Recent stressors are significant events or changes that have occurred in the young person’s life that can increase the risk of suicide. These might include:
- a relationship breakup
- conflict with family or friends or a major change within their friendship group
- bullying or social exclusion
- experiencing or witnessing violence
- housing instability or homelessness
- the loss of a loved one
If you’re concerned, it’s okay to ask direct questions such as:
“Have you been having thoughts about hurting yourself?”
“Have you been thinking about suicide?”
While these questions can feel confronting, they communicate that you’re willing to listen without judgement and talk openly about difficult experiences.
Manage your own emotions
Big emotional responses like anger, frustration or shock can make it more difficult for a young person to open up to you about their thoughts and feelings. Try to respond calmly to what they say, even when some things are difficult to hear.
If you’re unable to manage your emotions during the conversation, take a moment to process and emotionally regulate. If you do need to take a break or delay the conversation, reassure the young person that you just need some time to process, you want to continue the conversation soon and that you’re still there for them.
For example, you could say, “Thank you for telling me. I want to think carefully about what you’ve said so I can support you properly.”
A calm response helps build trust and keeps the lines of communication open.
Be prepared to have the conversation another time
Not every conversation will be successful the first time. If a young person isn’t ready to talk, let them know the door is always open.
In the meantime, keep checking in with them and focus on doing things together that may help them feel supported and less alone. Consistent, caring connection can make it easier for a young person to open up when they are ready.
If the young person doesn’t feel comfortable speaking to you, ask them if there’s another trusted person they would like to speak to instead. Similarly, if you don’t feel equipped to have the conversation at all, you can also ask them if they’d like to see a counsellor, psychologist or other mental health professional.
Where to get support
If you believe a young person may be at immediate risk of suicide, seek urgent professional support from your local mental health service or emergency department.
If you’re concerned about a young person’s mental health, you don’t have to navigate it alone. These organisations offer information, counselling and support for young people, parents and carers.
Lifeline – 13 11 14
24-hour crisis support and suicide prevention services.
Kids Helpline – 1800 55 1800
Free, confidential counselling for young people aged 5–25.
Mental health support and resources for young people aged 12–25 and their families.
Online mental health information and practical support for young people, parents and carers.
Resources to help educators, families and communities to support young people’s mental health.
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, call Triple Zero (000).
